Monday, 3 February 2020

Life's gonna suck for a while

Happy Monday everyone. Hope the Mondayitis blues didn't get to you today. I have had a bit of an unusual day but overall it's been an alright day. Life however is gonna suck for a while and that is because we're taking my diet and lifestyle change a hell of a lot more seriously than in the past.

When trying to lose weight, I've always gone in only 50% committed because I didn't want my journey to negatively effect my family. Since having postnatal depression, I have always dealt with my negative emotions through comfort eating; that's the first thing that's going to change. It's also what I'm most worried about at this time. I would comfort eat to make it easier for me to cope; so I wouldn't snap at the kids or Jordan. When things get tough now, I have to find a new, healthier way of coping with my negative emotions and until I find something to replace sugar that helps, I know I'm going to become a dragon mummy/partner. I know I'll have more mental break downs and I know I'll become a generally angrier person for a while. Admittedly, I have a sugar addiction and the first month or so is going to be detoxing off sugar. We've set some ground rules for me and have written a list of bad foods I can't have for at least six months (all foods I can easily live without like cake and ice-cream) as well as some bad food that I can only sometimes have ie. chocolate.

I'll be honest, I'm more scared about this lifestyle change because this time I'm taking it 100% serious and I'm scared of the horrible dragon person I'll become for a while. I know you might think I'm overreacting a bit and that I'm thinking it's going to be worse than it will be but I remember exactly how bad I got during my postnatal depression. The comfort eating started because of how bad things got for my mental state. Obviously, I'll be doing more than just dieting and exercising, I'll be working on my mental health as well. I've been saying for so long that I want to develop a self-care routine and now I really will.

I might be scared of what's to come but I'm also excited for the change. Unlike every other time, I've got Jordan being a hard arse for me. He is a text book people pleaser and an enabler. He always just wants to see me happy and if I'm not doing well mentally and ask for chocolate or take out or whatever else, he has always given it to me to cheer me up. I've told him not to do that anymore and instead help me find other ways to cope. He knows I'm going to be hard to live with for a while but keeps telling me short term pain for long term gain; that the pros outweigh the cons. He has always been my biggest supporter and now he is really on my side! No more Mr Enabler!

Life is gonna suck for a while as I get over my sugar addiction and work on losing weight and improving my overall health and lifestyle but it will so be worth it in the end. I know it will.

Until next time,
Alli xo

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