Wednesday, 11 December 2019

4 Year Anniversary Drama

Happy Hump Day evening. Hope the week is treating you all well. Mine was supposed to start off on a high but instead started off very badly.

Monday wad mine and Jordan's 4 year anniversary, a huge milestone for me! I've never had a relationship, not even my marriage, make it to four years. Somewhere between three and four years, my relationships have always fallen apart, so the fact we made it to four years, despite how much crap we've gone through in the last year, says a lot about our relationship and what Jordan means to me. He was working early on Monday so was gone before I even woke up but all weekend he had teased me that he had a surprise planned for me and that it'd be waiting for me when I woke up. I didn't have much time in the morning though as I had to do the school run and go shopping but I had a quick look around before leaving the house. I couldn't find anything. So while I was at the supermarket, I messaged him and asked for a hint as to what I was looking for. Two minutes before I arrived home, he text back... there was no surprise waiting for me. The "thing" he'd been planning and teasing me about never actually got done so he had nothing for me for our anniversary. I was crushed and sat at home with a tantruming Flynn, holding Jordan's anniversary present in my lap.

Turns out his surprise was going to be a scavenger hunt that eventually lead me to a video of him pouring his heart out, telling me all the reasons he loved me and how much I meant to him. Jordan is notoriously bad at communicating his feelings so that video would've been so special. I don't know what hurt more, the lack of an anniversary surprise or knowing what I would've been getting and that I'd never get to see it. I went from sad angry. I'd bought Jordan a thoughtful gift back in June and had planned well in advance for our anniversary. He didn't plan anything until a few days before and then didn't actually carry out his plan. I felt like the anniversary only meant something to me. Some people thought I was overreacting by being so angry/upset but the day was important to me. I didn't even get a card. Jordan came home from work, did the kids dinner and then at 9:30pm we ate take out separately. I was still so angry and hurt that for the first time ever, I made him sleep out on the sofa. I've never made a partner sleep on the sofa so it showed how upset I actually was.

He was gone before I woke the next day, another early shift but he felt so guilty that he ended up buying me two tickets to see Postmodern Jukebox in September. I had been planning on buying us tickets when I got paid so he beat me to it. Of course I accepted the gift but told him it didn't make things better. Buying me something I was going to buy myself out of guilt, wasn't going to fix how upsetting our anniversary was. Things are still a bit bleh but we're hoping to get at for a belated anniversary dinner at some point when we get a babysitter for the kids. Here's hoping he doesn't "forget" or anniversary next year haha.

Until next time,
Alli xo

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