Monday, 8 April 2019

Baby 3 is gonna help me.

It's Monday again! However it's a much calmer Monday in our house because Vala is staying at her Nanna's all week because it's officially term break! We dropped her off on Saturday and she'll come home again on Friday. I feel bad that I'm actually happy she's away but the house is a lot calmer and quieter and I don't have to stress about the school run or what to do with a bored 5 year old for 2 weeks straight.

But that's not what this post is about today. I'm sorry if my title has been a little misleading but im thankfully not pregnant at this time; we're not expecting baby number 3. But I am thinking about baby number 3 because they're gonna help me get healthy again.

When Jordan and I agreed to postpone wedding planning again, I was pretty bummed for the simple fact that I'd lost my motivation to lose weight. I had a set date, a set goal to work towards and when plans changed, my motivation evaporated. Our plans had originally been to get married in July next year and then to start trying for baby number 3 soon after. But now without the wedding, I questioned when would we expand our family. We wanted to be married before we had our next child but now we don't know when we'll get married. It could be years from now. So I said to Jordan that next June, we're going to start trying for baby number 3 and that I'm going to use that date as motivation to lose as much weight as I can and to push myself to get physically, mentally and emotionally healthy. At the end of the day, I'm the type of person who needs a concrete goal to work towards.

Now you could be sitting there, reading this, thinking that my two kids should be enough motivation for me to lose weight and you're right, they should be. But, as I've stated too many times to count, my brain is broken. It finds ways to break my will down. I wanted to lose weight to be able to keep up with my kids and play with them. My broken brain found a way to twist that. It convinced me that I don't have to be skinny to play with my kids. Sure, I can't take Flynn down the slide with me like Jordan can, and sure, I can't run around kicking a football with Vala, like Jordan can but I can still play with my kids. I can push Flynn on the swings instead and I can be a terrible goalie that lets 90% of Vala's shots into the net. And just like that, I couldn't use my desire to play with my kids as motivation because my brain just found loopholes and I made excuses.

The difference now, is that I have always said, it's important that I be in better health before my next pregnancy because my body does respond poorly to pregnancy. Hello tachycardia. So, I want to keep to that plan and I want to focus on getting healthy and losing weight before we start trying for baby number 3 mid next year. Only this time, I don't think I'm going to be overly vocal about my weight loss journey. In fact, I think I might only touch on it once a month so as not to put too much stress on myself about it. I tried dieting in the past and keeping it between me and partner at the time and I couldn't stay disciplined. Since starting this blog, I told myself that by making it public knowledge, I'm more likely to stick to my journey because I don't want to publicise my failure. We've seen first hand that, that didn't work for me either. If anything it made my failure even harder on my mental state. So from now on, I'm going to try and get myself into a healthy, thinner state in preparation for trying to conceive baby number 3 next year, but I'm not going to be so vocal about it. I'm going to do it my way, with what works for me, with no tips or advice from anyone unless I specifically ask for it. I know my body and I'm going to listen to it and do what works for me.

Anyway, this post has been way longer than I intended so I'll wrap it up for now. And with that....

...Until next time,
Alli xo


  1. That's a good goal! I found it practically impossible to lose weight for my wedding, for a few reasons: a) I had really bad trigeminal neuralgia for a few months in the lead up and I was in so much pain that I wasn't in control of my eating and couldn't exercise, and b) I kept thinking "must be a thin bride" but simultaneously realized that I *could* get married while fat, nobody was going to weigh me at the altar and say "no ring for you". It wasn't going to affect my marriage in any way other than not feeling like I looked good in photos, and in the end, my vanity alone wasn't enough of a reason when I had so much else on my plate at that time. So I get it. Motivating yourself is such hard work, and there will be times when it's just not going to happen... but other times, everything will click, you'll finally be in the right headspace and it will all just happen. Hopefully this is the thing for you!

    For me, a baby is a much bigger goal than a wedding, and it does have very real and important considerations and consequences. We have kind of sort of been trying since December, it's not happening, and I know that for my particular issues, my chances of conception go up significantly by losing weight. I've also told Nathan that I'm not up for dropping tens of thousands on IVF until I've lost weight, because the success rates are so much higher for people of healthy weight. I read a book called "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster that had some really helpful charts and graphs that showed things like c-section rate, complications during pregnancy and birth, infant and maternal mortality, miscarriage rate, and a bunch of other things, and they all correlated very strongly with being overweight or obese. I know loads of people who have successfully gotten pregnant and had babies while much heavier than me, but considering I already have significant health issues, it doesn't seem like something I can chance.. and you would know that too from wanting to avoid tachycardia. We can do this, because we have very good reasons.

    I don't know if I'll post anything on my blog about it until it's done, but it will still be nice to read along to see you kicking goals!

    1. Thanks Jo! All the best with your journey as well. Trying to conceive can be a stressful time which only hinders your chances of actually getting pregnant. Both times I conceived, I was technically not trying but not preventing. With Vala I was taking a short break from actively trying and it happened then and with Flynn, we actually conceived him a month before we were planning on actively trying. We just ran out of condoms and decided there wasn't much point buying more when we'd start trying in roughly 3 weeks time. Conceived Flynn on the very first try. Was not expecting it, especially as I weighed more when I conceived Flynn than when I did Vala. I thought I'd have a harder time because I weighed more. I had however lost a small amount of weight the month before though, so maybe that helped, i don't know. Either way, Ive found for me, not actively trying but not preventing conception, has been the key to me getting pregnant. When we do start trying next year, I'll probably opt for that same approach.