Friday, 8 February 2019

Making friends as an adult

Making friends when you're an adult. How does that work exactly? We manage to make friends quite easily when we're children and teens but once we reach adulthood, it becomes harder for us to meet and befriend anyone new and I want to understand why that is. The reason I want to understand why is because I want to make some new friends and I don't have to confidence to do so.

Ok, I'm going to admit one of my guilty pleasures with you right now - I LOVE watching youtube videos of people announcing their pregnancies to their friends and families. They're just beautiful videos that leave me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. However, with every pregnancy announce video I watch, one thing always enters my mind; 'how do they have so many friends?' Part of me thinks maybe some "friends" are actually cousins or relatives of some sort but others are obviously close friends. Every video the couples seem to have countless friends with which to share the good news with and all of their friends are surprised and overly happy for the pair, which suggests to me that they're all close with one another. These videos make me think back to who I shared the news of my pregnancy with Flynn with. I told three friends and then posted the news on Facebook. Three people, that was it. The same three people who I would consider to be my only proper friends.

Two guys and a girl, that is who I am friends with. And to be honest, I'm only friends with the woman because she is the wife of my friend. Literally if it wasn't for Ian, I wouldn't even know Natalie so our friendship only exists because of her husband. My lack of female friends became painfully clear to me when it was time to pick my bridesmaids. I asked Adam, a male, and my best friend, to be my maid of honour and asked Natalie to be a bridesmaid. The trouble I've got is that Jordan has three groomsmen, with Ian as his best man. I'm short one bridesmaid and I don't have any other friends to ask. I considered asking my cousin Stef but we've not seen each other or really spoken in nearly two years. I then considered Jordan's step-sister but I've literally only met her about four times so I dismissed that idea quickly. Then my mind switched to a woman at school and thus began the thought process of 'how do I befriend her?'

We're already "acquaintances" I guess you could say. Vala and her daughter started nursery at the exact same time and are now in the same class together. She was also pregnant at the same time as me and her son is 12 days younger than Flynn meaning our two sons will also start nursery together and more than likely end up in the same reception class as each other. Because our sons are the same age, she and I have taken them to a couple baby groups. And by a couple, I literally mean two. We've been to two groups. I had hoped the second group we went to would become a weekly thing, especially when we got coffee first and talked for an hour before the group started. However the boys seemed a little too young for the group and we've not been back since. We haven't spent any time together outside of school since then either. With the exception of walking to the shops together after school. She lives passed the supermarket so when I need to go to the shops, I wait until after school so we can walk the 10 minutes to the shop together. All we talk about is our kids though. I want to invite her out for coffee one day, something for us rather than the boys but I'm really nervous to do it. I don't know anything about her life outside her family. I know she is also engaged and hoping to get married around the same time as Jordan and I and that she hopes to have a third child after she's married just like I do. I don't know what her interests are or what she does for fun etc. I don't even know how to ask her about that stuff without seeming nosy.

When I think about who I want my third bridesmaid to be, I keep thinking about this mum at school but we're not "friends" so to speak so she might find it a bit weird being asked to be my bridesmaid. So I do want to befriend her before asking her. If a friendship fails then I will fall back to my cousin whom I've not spoken to in ages. But I want to try and build a friendship first. So what are your tips for making friends as an adult? How do you make friends? What do you avoid saying or doing? My friends Adam and Ian are both people I had befriended online to happened to live somewhat near me, who shared my enjoyment for gaming. I honestly have no idea how to befriend someone in the real world. Help me! Leave a comment below with any advice you might have for a friendship novice.

Until next time,
Alli xo


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