Wednesday, 12 December 2018

I tired "Self-Care" for 1 day.

It goes without saying that I take very poor care of myself. In fact, I spend more time caring for everyone else and putting them first that I often straight up neglect myself. With the kids birthdays and Christmas all hitting at once, I've spent even less time caring about myself. So it's no real wonder why I am still struggling with Postnatal Depression and putting a lot of weight back on. Jordan too, has many days where he neglects himself and he definitely doesn't take proper care of himself and so we decided that starting from January 1st next year, we're going to make it one of our new years resolutions to take better care of ourselves. Trouble is, I've spent so long neglecting myself that I'm not even sure how to "self-care" so I stole some ideas off the internet and tried to spend a whole day practising the art of self-care.

Technically, I started the night before because I went to bed at a reasonable hour, remembered to brush my teeth before bed and wrote in my journal before getting a pretty decent nights sleep for once. Somehow, I still woke completely exhausted and nearly gave up on practising self-care but pushed myself through it with the help from my hot, sweet friend known as coffee.
After the school run was out the way and Flynn was down for a nap, I actually set aside time for myself. I did a face mask and then put on just a hint of make-up. I actually did my hair and by that I mean I did more than brush it for 5-10 seconds; I actually straightened and styled it. I choose to wear clothes that made me feel good about myself rather than walking around the house half naked because what's the point in wearing pants around the house? All these may seem like silly, basic things that you all do every single day but usually I don't. I always skip breakfast but that morning, I didn't. I never spend more than 10 seconds on my hair and I'm usually only fully dressed when I'm out the house and even then, it's usually whatever I've just pulled up off my bedroom floor. As soon as I get home, my slip on shoes are kicked off, my trousers and bra come off and I spend the rest of the day walking around half dressed with my hair tied back.

So my day of self-care seemed to be off to a reasonably good start, however, the afternoon is where things kinda fell apart. Ok, by fell apart I mean I basically "forgot" I was supposed to be doing a day of self-care and returned to old habits. I skipped lunch and after Vala was collected from school, my hair got tied back off my face and I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening writing out Christmas cards to as many school friends as Vala could think of. I wrote out 49 Christmas cards and only 9 of those were to our family and friends. The other 40 were for kids at school. I was completely knackered by the time I was done and the kids had been showered and put to bed. I couldn't be bothered to even attempt doing anything for myself besides sleeping. So that's what I did. For once, I went to bed before 11pm and I guess getting over 7 hours of sleep kinda counts as self-care so maybe I did finish the day off right.

What all this proved to me is, that I really don't know how to take care of myself. I give and give and give every ounce of me until there is nothing left and then I fall apart. I don't know how to allot "me time" into my life. I'm an empty cup. I have however found a bunch of "30 day self-care" challenges and I think I'm going to pick one and get Jordan to pick one and then on January 1st we'll both start our challenges and slowly ease our way into a proper self-care routine. I know self-care should not be as hard as it is for right now. We really need to work on taking better care of ourselves!

Until next time,
Alli xo

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