Wednesday, 19 December 2018

Christmas without Vala

Happy Hump Day everyone. The weekend is almost here and also, so is Christmas! Less than 1 week to go now, I hope you've all got your Christmas shopping done. These next few days are big ones in our household, not only is tomorrow Flynn's first birthday and Friday is Vala's last day of school for the year but also on Saturday, we're taking Vala to her grandparents to spend Christmas with them.

I will admit, it is extremely hard for me to even think about spending Christmas without Vala but her absence is for the right reason. This year, Vala's grandfather (on her dads side) was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive brain cancer. It is so rare and so aggressive that he was told it was incurable and he sadly was given approximately 18 months to live. The news hit all of us really hard. Even Jordan, who is in no way related to the family but whom has been considered family and has come to know Vala's grandfather well. Over the last six months, Vala's grandfather has undergone chemo and radiation therapy to shrink the tumour on his brain and prolong his life as long as possible but he's also undergone a couple craniotomy's and suffered multiple seizures. The family believe that this Christmas will be his last Christmas and so they've decided to do a big family lunch together.

Vala's dad is the eldest of ten children (a combination of two families from previous marriages) and many of his siblings also have kids of their own so the family has grown quite large over the years. As a
result, they've booked out their family chapel to host Christmas day in. They wanted all the family to be present as it will be the last Christmas they will all spend together. Naturally, I didn't want Vala to miss out on that and agreed she could spend Christmas with her grandparents. Jordan, Flynn and myself are also invited to spend Christmas with them and attend the family lunch but as this is a very emotional and important Christmas for their family, Jordan and I didn't feel it was right for us to be there as well. This day is for their family and even though they still consider me family and include Jordan and Flynn as family as well, it still doesn't feel right to be there on the day itself. So on Saturday we will drop Vala off at their house, celebrate Flynn's birthday with them and then Jordan, Flynn and I will return home without Vala. We won't see her again until the 28th. Obviously we'll video call her but it's important for her and her grandfather that she gets this quality time with her dad's family. After Christmas Day, she'll be moving on to stay with her dad until we pick her up so she'll get 3 days with her grandparents and 3 days with her dad before we collect her.

It's a really horrible feeling for me though, knowing that Christmas is coming and we'll be celebrating it minus one family member. Christmas has always been about family for me, it's the only thing I've ever cared about and so knowing that we won't be a whole family this Christmas, breaks my heart. I'm not looking forward to sitting down for Christmas lunch with an empty seat at our table. Even the thought now makes me tear up. But I know she's gone for the right reasons. Still, it sucks for us. Gonna treasure our time with her for the rest of the week now.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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