Monday, 24 December 2018

Christmas Eve 2018

Christmas is nearly here! Hopefully the anticipation of Saint Nic's visit tonight is getting through this Monday. If you haven't already, today's the day to finish getting your presents wrapped, stocking your fridge full of tasty treats for Christmas dinner and, if you're brave enough, getting some last minute shopping done.

I really want to be excited about Christmas but truth be told, I'm not right now. I got all the presents wrapped last night and put them under the Christmas tree. Since Vala is away and Flynn is too young to understand the concept of Santa, I figured there was no reason to hide them again for the sake of one day. The lack of excitement though is due to the fact Vala isn't with us for Christmas this year. As bad as it sounds, I've not missed her since we dropped her off at her grandparents but that's because I know she's happy and having fun. However, Christmas has always been about family for me. As a teen, I always refused to get into the Christmas spirit because I felt thr holiday had become so commercial. I only cared on Christmas Day itself when all my family were together. Family is the most important thing and it's the only thing I've ever cared about, especially at Christmas.

Now that I have a family of my own, I feel bad for the way I shunned Christmas as a teen. I understand now that things like, putting up the tree, decorating the house, going Christmas shopping etc were all, in their own way, family traditions and that us doing those activities meant a lot to my mum. Because now that I am a mum myself and have carried over the tradition of putting our Christmas tree up on December 1st, I understand how special and important something as little as decorating the tree together really is. For my mum, Christmas was more than just one day. It was most of December really. All those little things were ways to bring our family back together again and I do miss that. I've tried to carry over some of the traditions my mum started but it's hard when every other year, we'll be a family member short.

Some of the traditions I've tried to carry on include: putting the tree up on December 1st, having a family photo in front of the tree on Christmas Day and getting dressed up in nice clothes for Christmas lunch. But because Vala won't be here tomorrow, we took a photo in front of the tree earlier in the month. And whilst I still plan on getting dressed up for lunch tomorrow, it just doesn't feel as special knowing I'll sit down at the table next to Vala's empty chair. This'll be Flynn's first proper Christmas though as last year he was only 5 days old and slept throughout the day. He'll have his first ever roast dinner tomorrow but I'm not cooking a turkey as I've no idea how to. So instead we'll be having a roast chicken with all the trimmings. Tonight, I'll leave out milk and biscuits for Santa and I'll write a note for the kids from Santa to leave beside the empty milk glass. I'll put Flynn to bed in his new Christmas pyjamas and I'll watch Die Hard with Jordan as part of our own personal Christmas tradition. We watch it every Christmas Eve.

I'm sure tomorrow will still be a nice day but I can't get excited about it. It just won't be the same without Vala and the fun and magic of Christmas Eve is just lost without her. I'm more excited about next Christmas when Flynn is old enough to understand and Vala will be with us, making a family whole again!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all have wonderful days tomorrow and spend it surrounded by the ones you love.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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