Monday, 31 December 2018

2018's Resolutions

It's the last day of 2018! Can you believe it? Because I definitely can't. This year has flown by so quickly. My little girl is in full time school now and she's started losing teeth. My baby is a year old and growing and developing every single day. It crazy how much a single year can change your life and the lives of those around you. 2018 has held some wonderful memories for me but it has also been extremely hard with my constant battle with Postnatal Depression; something I hope to be rid of next year. But as I sit and reflect on the year that has been, I look back at the three New Years Resolutions I made at the start of the year and look at which I actually accomplished. Spoiler alert: one. I managed to accomplish one out of three resolutions. Here's what happened...

Blog more.

Well I think it's safe to say that this is the resolution that I managed to accomplish. This year, I have blogged over 200 posts. 209 to be exact. That is 160 posts more than last year and 208 posts more than 2016. It definitely hasn't been easy though. I missed plenty of days and then spammed out rubbish content to try and make up for it. When there wasn't much to blog about, I blogged about boring stuff just to give you something to read. This entire time though, I've had the urge to quit blogging. Just because my brain keeps telling me that my life is boring and who really cares about what goes on in my families day to day life? I wish our lives were a little more exciting and captivating to write about but we are who we are. I'm not entirely sure what kept me blogging but whatever it was, I am glad that I've kept going and plan to continue well into next year. So for those of you who have been with me throughout the year, thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense. 

Learn to Drive.

Yeah I straight up failed this. Didn't even try to be perfectly honest. However, it wasn't my crippling anxiety in cars that stopped me from learning. Nope, it was actually money and stress that stopped me. See, in order for me to get my drivers license without too much headache, I need to get myself a British Passport. To get a British Passport I need to present my birth certificate. To get my birth certificate, I have to get certain documents certified by a member of law enforcement, send them off to Australia with money and the required paperwork and then eventually my birth certificate will be sent to me and I can apply for a passport, have an interview to get it and one I have that, then I can apply for my learners permit. Yes, I could technically use my Australian passport to get a British drivers license however, they'd need to see my right of abode certificate inside it which unfortunately, my darling daughter decided to write her name over in pen. So it wouldn't be accepted. So from the get go, just getting my learners permit brings so much hassle and stress and my broken mind didn't want to deal with it. Add to the fact our financial situation has been up and down this year, even if I did learn to drive, we couldn't currently afford a second car anyway. Jordan needs the car for work so I'd be no better off than I am now except for the fact I'd have another valid form of ID. So I didn't bother even trying to learn to drive. I still want to learn but it became clear quite early on the 2018 wasn't the right year to even try. 

Get back into shape.

Yeah I really messed this one up. Which is extremely upsetting given all the plans I set for myself. I even wrote an entire blog post with my intentions. You can read it here. I didn't keep to any of these and now not only am I heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm also nearly as heavy as I was at the heaviest point of my pregnancy. I am so ashamed of how much weight I gained over this year. Especially since I lost heaps in the first couple of months after Flynn's birth. I was so close to being less than triple digits but my PND got the better of me and I kept emotional/stress eating. I became too anxious to go back to the gym and started having full on melt downs and panic attacks at the sheer thought of going. I couldn't use any of my Acti-Labs products because I was breastfeeding. I started Zumbaing again but gave up after a week because my mood dropped again and I definitely didn't even attempt to start running. All I've done this year is eat junk, sleep when Flynn sleeps and cry over how unproductive and useless I've been. It's been a horrible year for my emotional, mental and physical health. Things have gotten way out of hand now though and once again, I plan on "getting back into shape" being part of my 2019 resolutions. Words can't express how ashamed I am of myself but I am putting plans into place to try and help me kick the PND to the curb and live a happier and healthier life. I've got the best intentions but only time will tell what 2019 will hold for me.

So there we have it. One out of three new years resolutions accomplished. I have to say though, that's one more than I accomplished last year so I guess I can't be too hard on myself. Here is to the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019. May the the New Year bring all of you much happiness, love and fulfilment. Happy New Year everyone and thank you again for taking the time to read this blog and following me on my journey through life.

Until next year,
Alli xo

2 comments:

  1. I care about your family's day to day life! But I get it, I feel like nobody reads my blog either. Keep going though. It will be really wonderful to read back on in years to come.

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  2. Thanks Jo. Your words mean a lot. And you're right, it will be great to look back on my posts in the years to come :)

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