Tuesday, 20 November 2018

Flynn Monthly Update: 11 Months

Time seriously needs to slow down because I cannot believe that my little baby boy is 11 months old today! It feels like only a couple of months ago that I was pregnant with him. Now he's exactly one month off turning one?! I'm slightly in a state of denial about that fact. I don't feel ready for his first birthday yet at all, that's for sure.

How's Flynn Doing?

This toothy little monster is 11 months old today. I can't believe he will be a year old in exactly a month. It feels like only a couple months ago that I was pregnant with him. The time has flown by! He now weighs 8.4kg or 18lbs 08oz which means he is finally starting to put weight on again. Some of these photos show off 5 of his little toothy pegs but he actually has 6 teeth in total now. Number 6 broke through over the weekend and is causing him some problems today. He is a very active baby who hates being sat in one place for too long. He loves to explore and cruise along every bit of furniture he can. 

He is very sturdy standing up and barely puts any weight down when supporting himself but he hasn't quite got the confidence to keep standing without support. We have seen him slowly lower himself from standing to sitting without holding onto anything so we think he'll be standing unaided in a matter of weeks. He has been playing with his sisters old activity walker recently too and starting to take practice steps with it. We've tried walking him while holding our hands but he hasnt shown much interest as its too slow for him and he starts crawling again. He is quite a chatterbox with dada and mum-mum still being his favourite words although we think Nana is starting to make its way into his vocabulary. He is a very messy baby both with food and toys. Everything has to go on the floor or around his face. 

How's Mum Doing?

To put it in a single word; stressed. Very stressed to be exact. Everything is coming at once now and I've been juggling a lot! I've been participating in NaNoWriMo, planning and preparing for Vala's birthday, attempting to blitz the house, planning trips out with the kids and what to do for my anniversary with Jordan next month. Finances have been very tight this month which is horrible given the fact we're currently in the most expensive time of year for our family. I've not even had chance to plan Flynn's birthday yet. It's been go go go all month and whilst I am very stressed and my sleep pattern is messed up again, I've also not had much chance to dwell on all the negative thoughts that were making me depressed. Goes to show that my PND is just a state of mind and when I keep occupied, my brain can't tell me how much of a lousy mother and partner I actually am. However, I do feel that by the thoughts being at the back of my mind, they're actually doing more harm than good. 

That is because of how I am doing physically. As I mentioned my sleep pattern is completely messed up again and if I don't nap during Flynn's morning nap time, then I become a dragon mummy. I feel like crap most of the time both physically and emotionally and as a result, I've actually been taking less care of myself. I've been rushing around and stressing so much, trying to make everything perfect for everyone else, that I completely neglect myself. I miss meals and eat WAY too much junk food. Chocolate especially. I've eating nearly a block of chocolate a day at the moment which is terrible but I mindlessly do it because I've associated chocolate with being my vice to help me cope with my PND. So now, with things so hectic and stressful, I'm unconsciously eating more and more chocolate every day just to deal with all the emotions and thoughts I'm internalising. I know it's bad and I know I need to stop but I'm so tired and so stressed that right now, I just don't care. The weight is going on and I don't care. I just want to make until the end of the year. Then things can change again. 

Overall though, Flynn and I are both doing as well as we can be. I can't wait to see what the next month holds for him. Our 11 month old baby is growing up so fast. Love him so much! 

Until next time,
Alli xo

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