Saturday, 15 September 2018

Journaling

Hey everyone, this post was supposed to come out yesterday but writing my previous post about Nonna was actually harder to do than I anticipated. I cried quite a few times while writing it to be honest. Nonetheless, this post isn't a long one, it's about this new thing I've been trying recently; Journaling!

Every night before I got to sleep, I try and have 30 mins of screen free time and in that time I write in a journal, reflecting on my day or getting down anything that's in my head at the time that might potentially keep me awake. I write no more than a single page though which most of the time is fine, but sometimes can be a little limiting and I have to abruptly end what I'm saying. I don't know whether or not the journaling is actually helping though. At first I enjoyed doing it and felt it did help me get to sleep easier. However now it's starting to feel like more of a chore. I get up to go to bed and remember that I still have to write in my journal and I groan at the thought. Writing a page is so much effort when all I want to do is just lay awake in bed and do nothing. Despite my current displeasure in the task, I've managed to do it consecutively every night since first starting. That's 18 nights. 18 journal entries filled with my thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns and general ranting. I think the only reason I'm still journaling at the moment is because I've done it for this long and I don't want to just suddenly stop. If I stop, I may not start again and that would just be a waste in my opinion.

So I can't say for sure yet whether keeping a journal is actually helping me with my postnatal depression but it also isn't hurting it. I think the way it helps most is that I don't keep it private. Jordan can read it any time he wants and understand what I'm going through without us having to have a difficult conversation about it. I think it helps him understand me and my feelings better and I'd say him having insight into my inner thoughts has bought us closer together and made us stronger. So I'm not going to give it up. I plan to keep journaling for a long time to come and hopefully, it'll help me in others way in the future too.

Until next time,
Alli xo

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