Wednesday, 15 August 2018

Trying to adult.

 Happy hump day everyone! We're midweek already I want to say that the weekend can't come soon enough but with Vala away and Jordan working weekends, there is literally no difference between a Wednesday and a Saturday you me currently. Still,  I hope the weekend comes quickly for all of you.

So the launch of Blizzard's new World of Warcraft expansion went live Monday night and in the final hour leading up to launch, I started feeling like a massive loser. Here I am, a grown woman, 27 years of age, waited eagerly at 10:30pm for a video game to go live so I can play it for hours while stuffing Skittles into my mouth. I felt far from an adult and came close to shutting down my pc and walking away.

I'm not going to lie; I love video games. I love playing them, the joy I get from them and how some make me connect with the characters emotionally. But in that moment, I felt stupid. A loser, with no life. My house is in shambles and there I am gaming at bed time. Pathetic. I did push those thoughts out my head once the expansion went live but I couldn't get as invested as I'd have liked.

Today I've been trying to "adult". I got early....ish and went for a long walk around the local lake with Jordan and Flynn. It took us 1hr and 20 mins to get around. I did stretches and a bit of cardio and various break points. I even tried jogging but I still suffer with SPD and it hurt way to much to jog. I still tried though. After the walk we went to Morrison's and for lunch I made a fresh salad from their "make your own salad" section.

I started feeling good about my choices for the day but as soon as we got home, my energy drained and my mood dropped. Jordan's mum called him and bought up finances and responsibilities again and it made me feel like a irresponsible teen again. The lack of energy and the sudden decline in mood meant I fell asleep on the sofa. Jordan told me to go to bed for a proper nap because I need to care for myself more. Now here I am after waking from said nap, feeling groggy as hell and still like a failure. I've not done anything to clean the house as planned and it's nearly dinner time now. Jordan has done a bit, no thanks to me. Feel useless. Even when I try to adult, I still end up feeling like a kid. I don't know why I'm so bad at this but I'm still trying.

Until next time,
Alli xo

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