Thursday, 14 June 2018

Filing for divorce.

Hey everyone!

I only just realised that I forgot to put a post up on Monday so here's a bit of a long-winded post for you to make up for the delay. So one post I wasn't sure whether or not to make was about me getting a divorce. It's not exactly a cheerful subject and it's been a long time coming but it is a big moment in my life so here I am to explain what is going on.

I married Vala's father back in October 2012 and our marriage was pretty short lived. In January 2015 I ended the marriage. Vala was just 13 months at the time. It was a very difficult and scary decision to make but it truly was a horrible marriage and a poisonous environment to raise Vala in. I lived with Vala's father for 6 months after the initial separation and it was really hard. My social worker had a chat with me about the separation and my reasons for ending the marriage and then grew concerned about me when she realised I had been a victim of emotional abuse from my husband. She immediately referred me to a therapist who worked with victims on domestic abuse and after a few sessions with her, I was onto a program called "The Freedom Program" which is to help victims of [any form of] domestic abuse identify their abusers tactics and how to recover and learn to move on without blaming ourselves.

The program was great and it completely lifted the veil off my eyes and I suddenly started seeing my husband the way my friends and family had. They'd told me multiple times that he was controlling, manipulative and abusive and I always defended him, saying they were wrong. It was in fact me that was wrong. Attending the program each week was hard though since I was still living with him and he HAD to always know where I was going, what I was doing, who I was seeing, and what I was saying about him. To this day, he still denies ever being emotionally abusive and that it was in fact me, that was the problem in our marriage. He knows that I never sought the therapy, it was referred to me without my say, by my social worker/therapist but yet still claims he was never in the wrong.

It took about a year after he finally moved out for things to become even remotely amicable between us. If it weren't for Vala, I'd have nothing more to do with her father and he'd be nothing more than a distant bad memory. However, for Vala's sake, I still speak to him and unfortunately see him (usually just via video calls) every so often.  He is the reason I never returned to Australia. He wouldn't let me go home and take Vala with me so I was forced to start a new life for Vala and I here in the UK. It goes without saying though, that staying in the UK was the best thing that could've happened. Being here lead me to meet Jordan and now im very happily engaged with another beautiful child to love. My life is everything I have always wanted. It's what I'd hoped my life would've been with Vala's dad when I first left Australia.

I planned to file for divorce after 2 years of separation (living apart), which was July 2017 but finances weren't great for him and as I was pregnant at the time, I didn't wanting to fronting the divorce fee by myself. So it got put off. Until finally, at the beginning of last month, the system changed so that I could file for divorce online rather than completing and sending off 3 identical forms. Online, I completed my divorce petition and paid the full fee within 20 minutes! It was so quick and stupidly easy. In less than a week, my husband had the papers arrive at his place and he'd signed and sent them off again. Now I'm just waiting for the Decree Nisi to come through, then waiting 6 weeks and 1 day to apply for my Decree Absolute and once that comes through, I will officially be divorced!

Finally closing this chapter for good and I can focus solely on my family. I can't wait!

Until next time,
Alli xo


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