Thursday, 31 May 2018

Monthly Flynn Update: 5 months

Hey everyone, this update is super late I know but thanks to my 30 Day Writing Challenge, I honestly forgot all about it. So my apologies for that. Flynn, Vala and Jordan all have colds at the moment despite the warmer weather so things are a bit miserable right now but nonetheless, hers what's been going on this past month.

How's Flynn Doing?

It's hard to believe how fast our happy little vegemite is growing. He weighs roughly 7.5kg (16lbs 08oz). He has made quite a few discoveries recently including his voice, thumb and feet. Anything he gets his hands on goes straight into his mouth and he is a world class dribbler. We keep checking for any teeth breaking through but there are no signs of them yet. He absolutely adores Vala. He still insists on sleeping on his right side, as close to me as he can get. This will be his last month in his bedside cot and I'm honestly going to miss him sleeping next to me. 

He has learned to enjoy tummy time now and is ok having baths until his hair gets wet, then it's scream city. He slides around on his back the way his sister used to and his hair is starting to thin on the back of his head. When on his stomach he gets frustrated that he can't move towards anything and has started displaying attempts at trying to get into a crawling position. He has a favourite small teddy bear called Bluey which he instantly calms down for and reaches out for when we offer it to him. This is his last month of being exclusively breastfed as next month we'll be starting him on solids as well. He loves attention and will smile for everyone. He shows signs of being bashful as well by burying his face into me whenever he smiles at myself, Vala or Jordan. 

How's Mum Doing?

Honestly I am doing better than previous months. Mood is still up and down but Jordan had two weeks off work so having him home all fortnight really helped keep my mood up. We had several fun days together as a family, Jordan did the school runs to give me a break and we even started a new project together; gardening! We've been tackling the front garden and whilst the progress is slow, we're still enjoying working together on something. I've also got Jordan back into livestreaming and have been joining him each stream. I believe the streams have been bringing us closer together, bonding us and improving both our moods. It's also inspiring me to be creative again.

Physically I am doing great! I returned to the gym this month! Figured with Jordan off work for two weeks, I might as well make use of my limited free time. The gym had completely changed since I'd been away with a total refurbishment bringing in lots of new equipment. I had a refresher inductions and got to know all the new equipment. My level of fitness became apparent though when I couldn't even complete my original workout program. I'm too unfit now so have to work my way back up to my old program. I'm really wanting Jordan to accompany me at the gym but with family stuff going on at the moment, it's a tad hard to get someone to watch the kids for an hour. 

Either way, I think this last month has been quite a good one for all of us. More family time has made us all happier and allowed us to bond again. I feel more creative and excited to try new things and Flynn is learning new things every day. He never ceases to amaze us.

I can't wait to see what this next month holds in store for us. I only hope it's a good a month as this one was.

Until next time,
Alli xo

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Thirty

"Your highs and lows of the month."

This year has already felt like one long roller coaster ride with lots of highs and lows each month. This month especially has had plenty of highs and lows though. Here are my highs and lows of the month.


I returned to the gym!
Vala went swimming for the first time.
The unbelievably beautiful warm weather. 
Taking the kids to Tumble Tots and Toddler Yoga
Visiting our friends Ian and Nat.
Filing for divorce!
Completing this 30 day writing challenge.


The diagnosis of an aggressive and incurable brain cancer in a close family member.
Health deteriorating in another family member and having to say our goodbyes.
My postnatal depression dropping to a new low due to the above sad news.
Car troubles.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine being cancelled!

I technically have had more highs than lows this month but the lows we've had have been pretty brutal. The first two mainly which has prompted the third. I look forward to what next month has in store for us but I do dread the inevitable lows that are still to come. 

Until next time,
Alli xo

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Tuesday, 29 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Nine

"What are your goals for the next 30 days?"

Honestly, I don't have a lot of plans or set goals for the next month but there are a couple of things I'd like to get done within the next 30 days. 

First off, I definitely want Vala to be attending swimming lessons each week. We were supposed to enrol her two months ago but health, family and financial kept pushing the date back. Now here we are, the end of another month and Vala still hasn't been enrolled. She had never even been in a swimming pool until her friends birthday the other day. 

Secondly, I filed for divorce a couple weeks ago and im hoping that any day now, my ex-husband should receive the paperwork and can sign it and send it back to get the divorce wheel rolling. 

Other than that, I cannot think of anything else I want to accomplish within the next 30 days. So yeah, no real goals, just stuff I want to get done. 

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Monday, 28 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Eight

"Post 5 things that make you laugh out loud"

I tend to laugh at a lot of things so unlike yesterday's topic which was a nightmare to write, today's topic is stupidly easy. Here we go, five things that make me laugh out loud.

1- Jordan.

Probably an obvious one but my wonderful fiancé Jordan makes me laugh a lot. I always thought eventually I'd get used to his humour and we'd stop laughing together about things but I was wrong. Two and a half years later and we make each other cry with laughter on a regular basis. I've never been with a partner who has made me laugh nearly as much as Jordan does. It is one of the biggest reasons why I love him.

2- My friends.

It takes a great group of friends to make you laugh out loud. Plenty of inside jokes and great experiences to bring us close together and strengthen our friendships. My best friend and I have had plenty of moments (usually drunk ones) where we're laughing our heads off. I treasure those moments.

3- Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

It might just be a TV show, one that has recently been cancelled (which I am devastated about) but to me it's so much more. This show has been helping me get through my postnatal depression and the newest episodes have been making me laugh quite a lot. Every Thursday night I get a good helping of laughter thanks to this wonderful show. I'm desperately hoping another network picks the show up and it gets renewed.

4- Alcohol.

I know that might sound bad but it's true. Every time I start drinking, everything makes me laugh. I'm usually a happy drunk that dances, sings, yells and laughs uncontrollably. I haven't been drunk in a very long time though so was unsure whether or not to list alcohol but it does cause me to laugh heaps so it's here.

5- Sexual Innuendo's & Puns.

May sound childish but sexual innuendo's and puns crack me the hell up. I was watching a streamer on Twitch yesterday and it seemed he enjoyed puns just as much as Jordan and I do. It was pun after pun after pun. It was hilarious and it really perked my mood up. 

There are many other things that make me laugh but these were the first five that came to mind.
What makes you laugh out loud? Feel free to share them with me in the comments below.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Sunday, 27 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Seven

"Conversely, write about something that's kicking ass right now."

This topic is insanely hard as I honestly cannot think of something that is kicking ass right now. I mean seriously, who can think of something ass-kicking to write about it at a moments notice. 

The word conversely is an adverb that means "the opposite" or "on the other hand." It is often used to introduce an idea that is different from one stated before. You say the photo is a fake.Conversely, the photographer claims it's real.
I'll be honest, I cannot do this topic. I cannot think of anything to actually write about. Then again, maybe this post is a good example. I've been kicking ass with these challenges and now today I've kinda gone in the opposite direction? I've struggled. This is the best this post is getting today. I don't know if this count as a win or a loss but it is what it is.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Saturday, 26 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Six

"Write about an area of your life you'd like to improve"

There are so many areas of my life that desperately need improving but without a doubt the biggest is the issue with my self-esteem. 

I think so little of myself and hate a lot of things about myself that this issue effects everyone around me. Vala has a friends birthday party today and it's at the local swimming pool. The invitation specified that a parent has to be in the pool with their child. Jordan is with Flynn which means I'm the one who needs to be in the pool with Vala. I am absolutely terrified of people seeing my pudgy, flabby body. My thunder thighs that house cellulite city along with my bingo wing arms. I bought a new swimsuit which has a swim skirt attached to it in hopes of covering as much of my legs as possible. I've debated wearing a shirt in the pool to hide the arms but have decided against it. I figure if my lunch lady arms are flapping in the breeze, they'll draw attention away from my legs which I am way more ashamed of. 

There was a brief time where I was considering declining the invitation and making up some excuse as to why Vala couldn't make the birthday party because I felt way too scared to be seen in a bathing suit in front of a bunch of mums from school, but that wouldn't have been fair on Vala. I desperately need to improve my self-esteem so things like this don't scare me. I don't want my children missing out on fun activities and awesome experiences because of my personal issues. That is why it is the biggest area of my life that I drastically need to improve.

Until next time, 
Alli xo
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Friday, 25 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Five

"Think of any word. Search it in Google images. Write something inspired by the 11th image."

My word choice was "Elves".

He looked down at his best friend with disappointment flooding across his face. They had fought together many times but this was the first battle that his friend didn't have his back in. He thought he could always rely on his friend. They always had each others back but now there was a woman involved, he'd been left high and dry. He didn't know if he could ever trust his friend again.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Thursday, 24 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Four

"Write about a lesson you learned the hard way."

This was a hard topic to answer as it took me quite a bit of time to think of something I have learned the hard way. Finally, i have an answer though...

Don't let ANYONE else have access to your credit card ever!

This might seem like a no brainer but when I was married, I thought I could trust my husband with my credit card as he controlled all the finances. Turns out that I couldn't trust him. When we separated he promised to pay off all the debt he'd put on the card but instead, he put more on. He used my credit card to pay off a Littlewoods account and a few of his other debts. He returned my credit card to me with £1,200 debt on me with only £400 of it being mine. I couldn't prove that he'd put his debt in my name because he was crafty and kept everything in my name. 

It took me almost a year, with help from a friend to clear off the entire credit card. Ever since, I've been a lot more cautious with my credit card. I will occasionally allow Jordan to use it if he has a huge bill to cover, like his M.O.T or insurance etc but I will always keep the card on me and and ensure that he pays the debt back off asap. 

Stupid lesson to have to learn the hard way but I did and now I know better.

Until next time 
Alli xo
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Wednesday, 23 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Three

"Write a letter to someone, anyone."

To our beautiful children,

I want you to know that daddy and I are so proud of the amazing young people you're growing up to be. You make your father and I smile every single day and simultaneously drive us a little crazy. We wouldn't change a thing though. We love you so much and never want you guys to ever forget that. We're always here and will always support you with whatever endeavours you choose to pursue. You're going to go through good times and bad times but through them all, we'll be here to love and guide you. You guys are our whole worlds and we love seeing your personalities develop day by day.

All our love, forever in a day.
Love Mummy and Daddy xoxo
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Tuesday, 22 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-Two

"Put your music on shuffle and post the first ten songs"

The first five songs in this list are shuffled from my dance song playlist and the last five songs are shuffled from my New Years Eve playlist.

Magic - Mystery Sculls
Fireflies - Owl City
Run The World (Girls) - Beyonce
Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye
Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede
Hoops - The Rubens
Closer - The Chainsmokers
Monster Hospital - Metric
Gone - JR JR
Khe Sahn - Cold Chisel

I like many different genres of music so have different varieties in different playlists so it was hard to randomly shuffle through all the songs I have.

Until next time,
Alli xo

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Monday, 21 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty-One

"What three lessons do you want your children to learn from you?"

There are a lot of lessons I want to teach my children or to pass on to them but there are definitely three that I want them to never forget. 

1- You can do/be anything.

I grew up believing there were right and wrong options for me. My interests and hobbies were usually never taken seriously and as a result I never felt supported to pursue what I wanted. I wanted to be an author so bad but I didn't feel like anyone supported me or even took that dream seriously. Over the years my passion slowly died and I began to believe I would never be an author. So I tried to think of a more practical career and ended up studying to one day become a teacher. It was never my passion though and as it turns out I never graduated uni and don't have a fulfilling a career but I am writing again and trying to be a published author like I always wanted to be. I want to raise my children to pursue their passions and let them know that they can do anything and can be anything that set their minds to. 

2- Treat everyone with equal respect.

It doesn't matter where a person is from, what languages they speak, what religion they follow, who they love, what they do for a living, how they dress etc. On the inside, everyone is the same so treat everyone with equal respect and the same level of respect you'd want them to show you. 

3- Learn to love yourself

This is probably the lesson I struggle with the most and don't want my kids to struggle with it too. Loving yourself means taking care of yourself. Eating well, sleeping well, living a healthy lifestyle, being happy etc. The relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you'll ever be in, if it's not a healthy one there is a good chance your other relationships won't be as. So I want my children to learn to love themselves and never put themselves down or compare themselves to others.

I have so many other lessons to teach my babies as they grow up but these three I'd probably class as the most important and I never want them to forget them.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Sunday, 20 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twenty

"Post about three celebrity crushes"

In no particular order:

1- Andy Samberg.

Star of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and member of the Lonely Island comedy trio group. Andy Samberg is a giant man-child. But the lovable kind. He is cute to look at, scrappy and would be fun to hang out with.

2- Charlie Day.

Actor in 'Always Sunny In Philadelphia', Pacific Rim, Bad Bosses and voice of Benny the spaceman in the Lego movie. Charlie Day is my eye candy. He does kinda remind me of Jordan a little though so that may have something to do with my attraction to him. 

3- Charlie Cox.

Actor who plays Matthew Murdock in the Netflix original series 'Daredevil'. I'm not sure what it is about him but he is damn fine to look at. There is a good chance I actually have a crush on his character more than him though. Matt Murdock is a dreamy vigilante.  

Apparently I have a thing for Charlie's. I used to love the name and thought about naming a child Charlie but now I can't unsee some seriously eye candy whenever I hear the name.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Saturday, 19 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Nineteen

"Discuss your first love."

This is something I don't really want to do but I will. My first love was a guy name Andrew. We called him Red because he is a red head. We started dating when I was 14 years old and broke up three weeks shy of our two year anniversary. He told me he wanted to be like his parents and marry his high school sweet heart. I was young and naive and believed that we were going to have one of those fairy tale love stories of couples who married their first loves and be together forever. I loved him and his family. I was so happy. I even lost my virginity to Andrew. I thought everything was perfect but eventually Andrew got bored of me and one night at a party I caught him biting and kissing the neck of our friend. I was devastated. He kept telling me that kissing another woman on the neck doesnt count as cheating and begged me not to leave him. Stupidly I stayed but then he was very cold and distance in the relationship. I knew he wanted to sleep with other women and gave me two weeks to try and convince him not to end the relationship. After one day, my mum made me realise that he was just going to use me for sex and still break up with me and she convinced to get out of the relationship. I broke up with him via a text message whilst he was at work and it was one of the most painful things I've ever done. I loved him so much.

Two months after we broke up, Andrew tried getting back together with me at my 17th birthday but by then the pain was gone and my love for him had died. He held me in his arms the way he used to and I felt nothing. He told me that he missed me and I told him that I was happier without him. It was the closure I needed. We remained friends for a few years until I finished high school at 18 and moved an hour away with my new boyfriend. We're Facebook friends but never talk. If I ever get back to Australia for visit we might see each other if I catch up with old friends but who knows for sure?

Glad this topic is over with now.
Until next time,
Alli xo
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Friday, 18 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Eighteen

"Post 30 facts about yourself."

1- I am 27 years old
2- I was born in Australia but live in the UK
3- I have two children
4- I have two cats; Navi and Midna
5- My top 3 favourite colours are Green, Purple and Blue
6- I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers
7- My spirit animal is a Hipster Unicorn
8 - My spirit is the colour rainbow and my soul is navy
9 - My dream job is to be an author
10 - My birthstone is a topaz
11 - My childhood home number was 11
12 - Mango is my favourite fruit
13 - I'm the only brunette in a family of blondes
14 - My favourite number is 14
15 - I used to do gymnastics and dancing
16 - I had two dogs growing up.
17 - My favourite breed of dog is the Border Collie.
18 - My favourite animal is the red panda
19 - My favourite author is Matthew Reilly
20 - I studied Film and Media studies at Uni
21 - I have bad knees that make various exercises too painful to do
22 - I have partied with a band before
23 - I have nearly been struck by lightening before
24 - I nearly died at 4 weeks old
25 - Spring is my favourite season
26 - I like Coke, Pepsi and Pepsi Max equally
27 - I was in the 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony
28 - My dream car is a red Mini Cooper
29 - I studied Indonesian in high school
30 - I really struggled to think of 29 facts about myself.

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Thursday, 17 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Seventeen

"Post about your zodiac sign and whether or not it fits you."


Strengths: Resourceful, brave, passionate, stubborn, a true friend
Weaknesses: Distrusting, jealous, secretive, violent
Scorpio likes: Truth, facts, being right, longtime friends, teasing, a grand passion
Scorpio dislikes: Dishonesty, revealing secrets, passive people
Honestly, I'm not one who buys into the whole star signs stuff but going off what it says here, I'd say it's about 50% accurate. I'm definitely stubborn, a true friend, a tad resourceful and I guess I can be kinda brave at times. I am distrusting but that's is only because my trust has been broken so many times. I'm not secretive or jealous and I'm definitely not violent. As for those likes, only teasing, truth and longtime friends is accurate. Dislikes only got the dishonesty right. Dishonest people are the worst.

So yeah, I'd say the sign fits me a bit but I'm still not overly convinced by star signs and the whole astrology thing.

Until next time,
Alli xo 
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Wednesday, 16 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Sixteen

"Something that you miss."

I miss my family! So damn much! I don't mean Jordan, Vala and Flynn because I live with them and see them every day. I'm talking my parents and siblings, grandparents and cousins, aunts and my nephew. I miss the family I left back home in Australia; most of whom I've not seen in over six years. I have three second cousins that I have never met as well as a 21 month old nephew. 

Not only do I miss my family but I also miss my home. The home I grew up in. The home that holds a lot of my most fondest memories. I miss the street I grew up on and the town I lived in. I miss the local shopping centres and cafe's and restaurants. I miss the creek and open fields where I used to ride bikes and walk the family dogs. I miss the family dogs (one of whom died on my birthday a few years ago). I miss the CBD that was a 15 minute drive away. I miss the big city of Melbourne. I miss the beaches near my home and I miss the hustle and bustle of the place. I miss the friends I left behind. I even miss certain foods that I can't get over here in the UK. 

I miss so much about my home in Australia and I know I will never ever stop missing it. I hope one day to return for a holiday but that is still a painfully long way off yet.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Tuesday, 15 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Fifteen

"Bullet point your day."

This was a fairly straight forward challenge to complete. Here's is how may day went down in bullet point form.

6:40am - Flynn woke for feeding.
8:20am - Vala woke up.
8:30am - Jordan (who's off work) made breakfast
9:00am - I jumped in the shower
9:30am - Jordan jumped in the shower
9:45am - I was dry and dressed.
9:50am - Fed Flynn.
10:00am - Did house work with Jordan
11:00am - Got Flynn dressed and ready to go out.
11:30am - Showered and dried Vala
12:00pm - Dressed Vala for school
12:15pm - Fed Flynn
12:35pm - Took Vala to school (nursery) with Jordan and Flynn
13:00pm - Arrived at the gym
13:30pm - Left the gym
13.50pm - Arrived home
13:55pm - Fed Flynn
14:05pm - Put Flynn down for a nap.
14:10pm - Watch a friend live stream
14:50pm - Got Flynn ready to go out.
15:00pm - Left to pick Vala up from school with Jordan and Flynn
15:20pm - Made Vala afternoon tea
15:50pm - Fed Flynn
16:00pm - Watched TV and played with Jordan, Vala and Flynn
17:00pm - Put Flynn down for a nap
17:40pm - Began cooking dinner
18.10pm - Ate dinner
18:45pm - Watched TV with Vala while Jordan did dishes
19:00pm - Fed Flynn
19:45pm - Got Vala dressed for bed and brushed her teeth
20:00pm - Put Vala and Flynn to bed
20:15pm - Watched TV with Jordan
22:00pm - Jordan streams and I wrote out blog post.
22:30pm - Blog post goes live.

There you have it folks. My day in bullet point form. It wasn't the most exciting of days but it was productive and I'm happy with that. 

Until next time,
Alli xo

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Monthly Fitness Update: May

Hey everyone, I know I've been sharing nothing but daily writing challenge posts with you but finally here's a little change. My monthly fitness update is coming in way later than it usually does but that is mainly because I originally didn't want to post one. My weight is piling on so fast and I honestly can't believe how quickly I'm putting it back on. I'm breastfeeding, I walk everyday, pushing the pram and whilst my diet isn't the best, I'm not consuming so much that the weight should be going on as fast as it is. I've been feeling like absolute crap but something has happened to make me push myself to give you my monthly update. So here it is and I am ashamed of it.

Current Weight: 107.3kg
Loss Since Last Month: 2.7kg
Loss Since Start Weight: 2.3kg

I am beyond ashamed, embarrassed and angry at my current weight. I have wanted to curl in a ball and cry about it but for some unknown reason, I haven't been able to cry for the last two weeks. I haven't wanted to talk about my weight or diet/exercise and I've been so angry at myself that I've been denying the fact the weight is going on. I kept telling myself the scales were broken because it was impossible for me to have put on THAT much weight in the space of a month. I do get some exercise and I am still breastfeeding so how is it possible to be piling it on that fast? I admit I do eat like crap but I didn't think I could be consuming that many more calories than I'm burning on a day to day basis. I usually have a protein breakfast drink for breakfast, a healthyish lunch (ham sandwich, Caesar salad, protein drink with melon etc) and then a bigger dinner. The bad stuff comes from snacking. When my mood drops, which thanks to the postnatal depression is all the time, I snack a lot to pick my mood back up. It's been the easiest mood booster that I've been able to do at this current time. Guess that snacking has been my biggest undoing. I can't believe I am almost back at my pre-pregnancy weight. I feel completely dead inside about that fact.

Today however, I made a change. I went to the gym for the first time since I discovered I was pregnant. I was majorly unprepared for it. In the 10-ish months that I have been away from the gym, they had a total refurbishment and bought in all new equipment. Everything had moved around and there were so many new machines that I had no idea how to use. Even the basic ones like the treadmills are far more state of the art and a little confusing to use. Not only did I feel completely lost in the gym but it became quickly apparent just how unfit I now am. I took in my old program with me and I could not complete it. For warm up, I'm supposed to spend 5 minutes on the cross trainer; I could barely breathe after 4 minutes and had to stop. I realised that to get results, I needed a new program to be run through all the new equipment so I've booked myself an appointment with a personal trainer tomorrow to develop a new program for me and to teach me how to use everything.

I wish I could say I was feeling positive that suddenly I was going to start losing heaps of weight again but in reality, the only reason I was able to go to the gym today is because Jordan has two weeks holiday. Him being home to watch Flynn has given me the freedom to go to the gym. In two weeks time, he'll be back at work, getting home late and I don't know when I'll be able to find time to keep going regularly. I've told myself though that I will go to the gym every single day for the duration of Jordan's two weeks off. I know my body needs rest days but I don't know when I'll be able to go again once the two weeks is up. I want to lose the weight but I'm my own worst enemy. I sabotage myself and I wish I would just stop it already. I'll keep you posted on how I get on.

Until next time,
Alli xo

Monday, 14 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Fourteen

"Post your favourite movies that you never get tired of watching."

There are honestly quite a few films that I can watch over and over again without ever getting tired of but here are just a few on my list.

Pitch Perfect 1, 2 & 3
Pacific Rim
Ocean's 11, 12 & 13
Guardians of the Galaxy
Beauty and the Beast (original)
The Fast and the Furious
The Benchwarmers

They may not be the most exciting movies to some of you but I thoroughly enjoy watching these and I'm yet to get sick of watching them over and over again. 

Until next time, 
Alli xo

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Sunday, 13 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Thirteen

"What are you excited about?"

Me personally, I am excited about the future! I've got a lot to look forward to. Vala starts school in September, Flynn is developing and growing with each passing day. I'm writing my first ever novel and can't wait to see what happens with that and where that might lead me. I'm excited about buying a family home with Jordan and hopefully some day expanding our family once again. I'm nervous but excited about learning to drive and one day having my own car to ferry the kids around in without relying on Jordan to act as chauffeur. I'm excited for the quality of over lives to improve. I'm excited to return to the gym and work on losing weight again. I'm excited to one day marry the love of my life, my soulmate Jordan. I'm excited to return home to Australia to see my family again some day.

The future holds so many amazing and wonderful things for me to look forward to and I am so excited to see what will happen to me and my family in the future!

Until next time,
Alli xo.
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Saturday, 12 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Twelve

"Write about five blessings in your life."

They always say "count your blessings" but I never really have before. Guess now is a good time to do that. Here are five blessings in my life.

1- My Family.

Probably the most obvious answer I am going to give. Jordan, Vala and Flynn are the biggest blessings in my life. I couldn't imagine a life without them in it and I don't even want to try. I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing, beautiful family. I'm so thankful to have them.

2- My extended family.

By extended family, I mean my parents, siblings, sibling in-laws, grandparents, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncle, cousins, second cousins etc. Most of them are back home in Australia but they still show they care about me and my family and it means the world to me that they're still there for me despite the huge distance between us.

3- My in-laws.

I guess I'm lucky enough to have two sets of in-laws. I have Jordan's family as well as my ex-husbands family. I'm blessed to have them all in my life. My ex-in-laws, are always still there for me and Vala and support us any way they can. Jordan's parents care about us greatly and do everything they can to ensure our lives continue to improve. I'm very blessed to have such wonderful in-laws.

4- My friends.

I don't have nearly as many friends as I used to back in Australia but now it's more of a case of quality over quantity. And I have some of the greatest friends ever. I have friends I've never met because they live overseas but whom were there for me throughout my divorce and continue to show their love and support to this day. And I have friends whom I see regularly and hang out with that I know always have my back and are there for me whenever I need them. I'm very blessed to have so many people who care about me and my family.

5- My health.

Whilst my mental health may not be great at the moment, I'm still grateful to physically be healthy and well. My gestational diabetes did disappear after Flynn was born and besides my weight issues, the rest of me is fit as a fiddle. Given all the health scares and issues affecting people I care about around me, I am reminded that I am blessed to have such good health at this current time. Something I won't take for granted. 

I'm sure if I thought harder, I couldn't think of a lot more blessings in my life but there are just five of the biggest ones.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Friday, 11 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Eleven

"Something you always think 'what if...' about."

The one thing I frequently think "what if" about, is my previous relationships. Not because I wish things had gone differently but because the end of each one directly lead me down the path that has bought me here. I'm so happy with the life I have now that I often wonder what would my life be like now had I done a single thing differently. What I have been half as happy as I am now, if I'd taken my boyfriend David back after he told me he wanted to marry me? Would I have a lot more kids if my marriage hadn't ended? Where would my life be it weren't here? 

The downfall of my relationship with David, lead me to make new friends, one of whom was a guy in the UK called Pete. After my split with David, I started a long distance relationship with Pete. I then moved to the UK to be with him. We married, had Vala and then the marriage fell apart as he turned out not to be a nice guy. After my marriage ended, I casually dated a friend called Cameron for a while. It was never anything serious but in waiting for Cam to finish work one night so we could skype each other, I found a Twitch streamer with an awesome community. I joined the community and made a bunch of friends. One of those friends was Jordan. The relationship between me and Cam fizzled out and a little while later, Jordan and I got together. The rest is now history. I love Jordan with all my heart, we are engaged and have a beautiful son together. 

But I do wonder how different my life had been if things had been different. I'm glad they're not different though because I'm very happy where I am. If I got to do things all over again, I'd do them exactly the same so that I always ended up right  back here with the life I currently have. I wouldn't change this for the world.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Thursday, 10 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Ten

"Write about something for which you feel strongly."

Without a doubt, the thing I feel most strongly about is my family. I want the world for them. I lay awake at night day dreaming about how great I could make their lives if I won the lottery or if my novel became a best seller. Pretty much all my fantasies contain me being stupidly rich but in all of them the money is used on others. 

I picture buying our first home and making it perfect for our growing family. No more overcrowding in our tiny flat, everyone would have the space they needed. Plus we'd have stability. No moving around every couple of years, making the kids adapt and then outgrowing the place again. My kids would have a family home they could grow up in just like I did. I hate so much that memories are made in a house and then get left behind. Things like where your children took their first steps or height markings you drew on the wall can't come with you when you move and it's major reason why I want my family to have a forever home. 

I want structure, routine and balance for my family. I am tired of things being chaotic and disorganised. I want my family eating healthy, exercising regularly, remembering to brush their teeth, eating dinner on time, getting enough sleep etc. It's so hard to have routine and structure with a young baby and a partner who never leaves work at the same time two days in a row. My sleep pattern is a mess and my postnatal depression makes balancing life all the more harder. I just want my family to live happy, healthy and fulfilling lives and we need to bring some order to the chaos before we can achieve that.

Honestly, I could go on and on and on about what I want for my family but I don't want this post to drag on too long. Besides, I don't think there's anything that I want for my family that everyone else doesn't want for theirs. Health, happiness, financial security, a stable loving home, the ability to pursue and achieve their dreams.... we want it all for our families. I know I'm no different to anyone else on the matter but the quality and happiness of my families lives is something I feel incredibly strongly about. 

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Wednesday, 9 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Nine

"Post some words of wisdom that speak to you."

"Just be you." I think these are the words of wisdom that I really need to learn to live by. I'm always struggling to be like other people. Always wearing metaphorical masks to hide away who I really am. I have zero self-esteem and my confidence is shot. 

I admit, I need to stop caring so much about what other people think of me and...
Just be me! 

Not as easy as it sounds but these are words of wisdom that I keep close in my mind. One day I will be myself again. It'll just take some time, support, love and work to get me there but im prepared to work for it. 

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Tuesday, 8 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Eight

"Share something you struggle with."

Anyone who reads my blog knows that the biggest three things I have been struggling with include postnatal depressing, crushingly low self-esteem and my weight. 

The irony for me is that fixing one thing would fix everything. If I was able to get over my postnatal depression, I'd be more motivated to get out and exercise which would bring my weight down and in turn help build my self-esteem up. I've been trying desperately to pull myself out of my depressive state but it's stupidly hard. Every single day is a new struggle and whilst I know there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, I can't see it just yet. 

I won't touch anymore on my struggles as I've gone on and on about them in previous blog posts which you are more than welcome to go read up on. 

Until next time, 
Alli xo 
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Monday, 7 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Seven

"List 10 songs you're loving right now."

Honestly, there were quite a few songs I wanted to list down but I decided to pick one song per artist. There are also a lot of songs that I love right now that didn't make the list but here are ten that I had to mention.

1- Khe Sahn - Cold Chisel
2- This is me - The Greatest Showman
3- On Top of the World - Imagine Dragons
4- TV - True Live
5- Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
6- Closer - Postmodern Jukebox (Cover)
7- Hoops - The Rubens
8- Gone - JR JR
9- Shape of You - Ed Sheeran
10- Buttmachine - That 1 Guy

There we go, ten songs I am loving right now. All of these songs will have me up, singing and dancing around the house or in the car. 

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Sunday, 6 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Six

"Five ways to win your heart."

1- Care about my children.

I think it goes without saving that my children are my life and if you don't care about them or have any interest in getting to know them, then you have no chance of finding your way into my heart.

2- Support me.

I'm a highly emotional person and have a lot of dreams and goals. If you want to win my heart, you've got to support me in every aspect. You need to be my rock when my depression hits hard. You need to encourage me when I want to give up. You need to listen to my problems and concerns and you definitely need to stand by me as I pursue my dreams. 

3- Earn my trust.

Actually harder than it might sound. I have been back stabbed and had trust broken too many times to count. I've been cheated on and been in abusive relationships and as a result I find it very hard to trust people. There's one way to know for sure if I trust you and that is if I happily leave my children in your care. If I can't trust you to keep them safe in my absence, I don't really trust you.

4- Make me laugh.

Laughter warms my heart and the warmer my heart is, the more likely you're gonna find yourself in it. I'm normally pretty stressed and a class A worry wart so making me laugh means you're making me happy and everyone wants to be happy. The more we laugh together, the bigger spot in my heart you get. 

5- Be open and honest with me.

You're not likely to win my heart if you close yourself off from me. Just like I want you to support me, I want to be able to support you too and that goes for all aspects of life. I want you to be able to cry in front of me. I want you to be able to tell me your fears. I want you to be able to rely on me as I would with you. If you be open with me, my heart will be open to you. 

There you have it, five sure fire ways to win my heart. I wouldn't bother though, my heart was won a long time ago by my incredibly, wonderful fiancé Jordan whom ticks all five criteria. I love for him burns brightly for all eternity and no one will ever be able to steal my heart from him. 

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Saturday, 5 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Five

"List 5 places you want to visit."

1- Australia aka "Home"

It should go without saying that the number one place I want to visit is my home back in Australia. I've been living in the UK for over six years now and haven't been back to visit my family in that entire time. I want to go back home for a holiday with Jordan and the kids so bad! Hopefully one day we'll be able to afford to back and visit my family and friends.

2- Machu Picchu

The moment I first learned of Machu Picchu's existence, I've wanted to visit there. The photo's I saw were beautiful and I found the history behind the ancient city to be very interesting. I don't think I'll get to visit Machu Picchu until I am considerably older and all my children are in their teens or have moved out of home but I'm sure it is well worth the wait. 

3- Disneyland Paris

The magical kingdom where everyone gets to be a child! The main reason I want to visit here one day is for my kids. Personally, I could take it or leave it but I know Vala would absolutely love to go there one day and meeting all her favourite Disney princesses and I can only imagine Flynn would love it too when he is older. I really want to see them happy and that's why Disneyland is on my list. 

4- Maldives

I'm not one who normally enjoys warmer climates or the beach but there is something about the Maldives that has peaked my interest. The crystal blue water pair with an exotic villa just sounds heavenly. I'm very self conscious about being in a bathing suit around people but knowing I don't have to walk around in it, in front of people is quite appealing.

5- Egypt

I have a secret interest in Egyptology and the history behind the pharaoh's, pyramids and mythology. In high school I tried teaching myself to read hieroglyphics and to this day still love watching documentaries based on ancient Egypt. I'd love to visit the Great Pyramids, the Sphinx, the Valley of the Kings and other historical sites. Definitely a trip for when I'm much older though. 

So there we have it, a list of five places I hope to one day visit. Other notable places I would love to go include Italy, Indonesia, Japan, New Zealand and specific locations with America and Canada. 

Until next time,
Alli xo 
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Friday, 4 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Four

"Write about someone who inspires you."

Someone who inspires me a great deal is my friend Erin. Often I struggle with day to day life because of things like my depression and I just feel like I'll never accomplish anything I want to and that I shouldn't even bother trying. Then I see what Erin has been getting up to. A couple of years ago, Erin was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis but she hasn't let it slow her down at all! She is often out hiking insane distances and pushing her body as much as she can. She's currently preparing to walk the path along Hadrian's wall. That's 84 miles (135km)! It's an unbelievable task and she is doing it to raise money for the Multiple Sclerosis Society. She has a Just Giving page set up HERE! So please go send her some love and support!

On top of the hiking, Erin holds down a part time job, is a postgraduate student and delves deep into her passion of genealogy. What lemons life throws at Erin, she makes sweet sweet lemonade with them and that is why she inspires me on a daily basis. She's one of the strongest women I know and an inspiration to more than just me. I know I can jump the hurdles life puts up in front of me because she gives me the confidence in myself. She doesn't know that but it's true. I really look up to her and admire her. 

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Thursday, 3 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Three

"What are your top three pet peeves?"

Hmm this is a tough one as I can't say I really give my pet peeves much thought so I don't know what I'd class as my "top three". Here are just three things that I'd consider to be pet peeves.

1- Not closing things or putting them away

My fiancé Jordan is terrible when it comes to this. He'll make himself a sandwich and then leave the bread open for it to go stale. He'll have a small bottle of drink and just places the cap back on rather than screwing it on tight. As a result our carpets have seen it's fair share of spillages. He'll forget to put the milk away after cereal and the butter after sandwiches and it really drives me a bit bonkers. 

2- People making plans with other people in front of you

By this I don't mean complete strangers making plans with each other whilst you're within ear shot, I mean people you know inviting other people you know to do something whilst you're in a group conversation. This never used to bother me until my daughter was born. Now it really bothers me when I'm talking to people, in a group and they make plans for their kids to do something together and don't ask if Vala would like to join. For example, two girls in Vala's class just started taking ballet classes together because the mum's arranged it one day during a conversation I was apart of. I tried to get details on the class so Vala could join with her friends but the lack of information they gave me made it obvious that they wanted it to be just a thing between their two daughters. I think it's a pretty rude thing to do and I make a point of not making plans with someone if a third party, whom I don't want to invite, is involved in the conversation as well. Either make plans together privately or open it up to others to join if they wish. 

3- People moving my things. 

I am not a particularly organised person or even the most neatest but when I set things up or put things in place, I do so in a way that works for me and I hate it when people interfere. I function best with disorganised chaos. Things may look a mess to others but the clutter is formed perfectly to work for me. Things like, chest organisation in games or placement of items on my desk as well as where I keep my clothes or where certain utensils go are just some of the things that I don't want other people messing with. I really hate it when I go to get something and Jordan has moved it or put it back in the wrong place. It seriously frustrates me way too much. 

There we have it. Three of my pet peeves. Again, not sure if I would consider them my "top three" pet peeves but they're be pretty high on my list.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Wednesday, 2 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day Two

"Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forget."

I honestly wish this could be a positive post response to this prompt but unfortunately there is one thing that someone said to me, about me, that I have never ever been able to forget. 

My ex-husband, the lovely steamy pile of.... that he is, once told me that I was "Useless for anybody that wanted to be happy." He told me that whilst we were still "happily" married. He claimed that he suffered from severe anxiety and for the longest time I believed him but after a while it became apparent that his anxiety only ever appeared whenever he was required to do something he didn't want to do. Things like putting the rubbish out or cleaning the house would set him off. Despite mine, and others suspicions that he was milking his mental disability, I also tried to be supportive. 

One day however, I finally just snapped. I was sick of him using it as an excuse to get out of things and also to stop me doing things. One this particular day, he wasn't letting me take our daughter to his parents without him because him being left alone made him anxious. But he couldn't go to his parents because that also made him anxious. I was supportive for a few hours and went along with the over-the-top, super dramatic panic attacks... I'm talking punching a wall and then pretending the punch caused him to fall onto the stairs; but eventually enough was enough. His dramatics were meaning our daughter was missing out on time with her grandparents. I told him I was done babying him and that I was going to is parents with Vala. He accused me of not being understanding and not caring about him. That's when he said the words that have stayed with me "You're useless for anybody that wants to be happy."

I've always remembered those words because they were so brutal. I had been patient, I had been loving, caring, loyal; I even defended him to his family when they accused him on faking it. I give up once and he made me feel like the worst person in the world. Like it was my fault that he was having these panic attacks and that I was solely responsible for his happiness. Filled with such guilt, I didn't go to his parents. Our daughter didn't get her time with her grandparents and I spent the remainder of my marriage trying to prove to that S.O.B that I could make him happy. Of course he was never happy and turned out to be a pretty awful man and the marriage ended. To this day though, what he said has never left me and from time to time, I start feeling paranoid that I'm not making Jordan happy. It's honestly scarred me more than I care to admit. Hopefully time will help the effect those words have on me, fade away.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Tuesday, 1 May 2018

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day One.

Hey everyone, I recently saw a post on Pinterest labelled the "30 Day Writing Challenge." At first I thought it was going to be a creative writing challenge but it's actually not. It's just a different, random prompt every day for the next 30 days. I know there is 31 days this month but I'm sure I can find one more prompt to do for the last day. I'll also still be doing some of my regular posts as well, like my monthly fitness updates (it's going horribly) and Flynn updates etc. So hopefully this month should see a lot of posts coming out but we'll see...there's a lot of not nice stuff going on in our family life at the moment so if my posts suddenly stop, please be patient.

BUT without further ado, here is the writing prompt for day one!

"List 10 things that make you really happy."

1- My family 

2- The sound of my children's laughter
3- HUGS!
4- My friends
5- Writing
6- Discovering cool new cafés and bars
7- Dancing like no one is watching
8- BBQ's and cold beers on a hot summers day
9- Thunderstorms (the bigger the better)
10- Exercising at the gym

Until next time,
Alli xo

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