Monday, 5 March 2018

Monthly Fitness Update: March

This year needs to slow right down! I cannot believe it's March already. I mean granted, February is a short month but still, how is March? February flying by so fast means most of what I set out to do, didn't actually get done and for that, I'm genuinely disappointed in myself. Nonetheless, here's my second fitness update.

Current Weight: 102.6kg
Loss since last month: 1.4kg
Loss since start weight: 7kg

I am actually really disappointed with myself with how l behaved last month. February saw a lot of crap come up and I struggled with my postnatal depression.  I was sleeping badly and everything was overwhelming me. I stopped going out for my daily walks which I'm angry about and I kept eating badly. Chocolate galore! With everything that was going on, chocolate was my vice to get through it all. There were days I desperately just needed a glass of wine to help me let go of all the stress and tension built up within me but of course, I'm breastfeeding so instead of a glass of wine, I'd shovel copious amounts of chocolate into my mouth. My weight fluctuated badly, even jumping back up to 106.5kg at one point. Sure, I'm currently lower than my weight this time last month but had I not allowed myself to fall victim to the negative thoughts in my head and the temptations of sugar, I'd probably have smashed my second weight-loss target by now. 

I want to get back on track and start
pushing myself again but there's so much nagging doubt in my head. I'm still fighting with my internal demons and I still get very overwhelmed quite easily. I keep thinking how can I possibly get on with working towards my goals when mentally, I'm in no better place than I was last month. How is this month going to be any different? My plan was to return to the gym this coming weekend and as I sit here writing this, I wonder how I'm going to possibly do that. In my head, I don't feel ready to go back. In my heart, I should've gone back last month. My motivation is at an all time low I am fighting to get it back up. I haven't even set myself goals to work towards besides; "get off your arse!" 

Maybe if the weather hadn't been so terrible, I might've been a bit more positive and active but no one could help the amount of snow that was thrown at us. The "Beast from the East" as the weather was dubbed, toyed with the beast inside my head and I pretty much became a hermit. I need to get back on track! I don't want my April update to show that I've put weight back on. I don't want to let my mental health get the better of me. I know deep down I am stronger than this. I just need to push myself. We'll see how I get on.

Until next time,
Alli xo    

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