Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Flynn Monthly Update: 3 Months

Time really needs to slow down because I cannot believe my bouncing baby boy is three months old already. He's grown so much in the last month as well. He's a big boofa of a baby and even during his 12 week immunisations, the nurse asked if he was breastfed or formula fed because of how big he was. We've joked that my breasts are actually producing full fat cream instead of milk. He is a wonderful little lad though and we couldn't be more in love with him.

How Flynn Is Doing: 

At 3 months old Flynn weighs approximately 6.5kg (14lbs 05oz). That isn't 100% accurate though as to weigh him, I first weighed myself, then both of us together and deducted my weight. He had a nappy, vest and t-shirt on as well so the weight was probably off by an ounce or two. But he is still following on the same from last month with gaining another 2lbs in that time. So he's still following his percentile line nicely. It feels like we're constantly going through leaps with Flynn, as soon as one ends, another seems to start and the abilities he picks up each day keeps amazing us. He's going through his third leap at the moment and it's made him incredibly clingy and demanding of more attention from me. 

Flynn's current favourite things to do include sitting up, standing, staring at his own reflection in the mirror and blowing spit bubbles. He's a very happy and smiley boy still which we love to see. Though he will scream at the top of his lungs if he doesn't get the attention he wants. He is quite demanding for someone so little. He still hates having baths by himself and still hates tummy time. He's gotten better with tummy time and will raise his head and look around very briefly before putting his head back down and screaming until we roll him back over. He keeps trying to laugh but hasn't quite got it yet. Won't be long now though. He talks a lot and coos at his comforter; Mr Wiggles (named by Jordan). He's a cheeky, happy little boy who steals the heart of everyone who meets him and Jordan and I could not be more proud to call him our son. Cannot wait to see what this month holds for him.

How Mum Is Doing:

Lately I've been wondering at what point it stops being Post-Natal Depression and becomes just regular depression. Seems like my mood keeps fluctuating but most of the time I feel completely overwhelmed, stressed, trapped and down right miserable. I cry a lot, I snap a lot and I want to hide myself away a lot. I hate being like this and worse, I hate Vala seeing me like this. I hate snapping at her but it's like I have no control over my emotions. The other day she walked in to find me changing a very poopy nappy and said "Oh that's a smelly pooey nappy. Can you get me some cereal now?" To which I just snapped at her because she could very clearly see I was wrist deep in poop and not available to drop everything the moment she demanded something. She left the room crying and I felt like a horrible person. All I want to do is sleep most of the time or at the very least, stay in bed. I very rarely ever want to go out unless Jordan is with me. 

Physically, I'm absolutely fine. There is no pain or irritation around the incision wound and I often forget I've had a c-section. SPD is pretty much gone though I occasionally get the odd twinge of it in bed but thankfully it's not every night and it isn't that painful. More just uncomfortable and annoying. I'm in tip top shape to get back into exercising and working out but my broken mental state is making that difficult. I'm still fighting though. 

I feel my mental state has worsened since the last monthly update but I've had several deep conversations with Jordan and he is working hard to make things easier for me. He is an absolute champion and honestly I don't know what I'd do without him. My goals and dreams haven't changed but the demons I'm fighting are putting up a decent fight. They haven't won yet though. I love my family with all my heart and seeing their happy faces makes everything worth while. I fight for them.

Until next time,
Alli xo

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