Sunday, 28 May 2017

Saturday, 27 May 2017

Pregnancy Update: 8+6 weeks

Writing this literally on the borderline of the 9 week mark but oh well, I'm getting a short update in for you.

I had my midwife booking appointment yesterday and that briefly made the pregnancy feel real. It was all just standard, questions, blood tests, medical history blah blah blah. I expressed my concerns about feeling like something was wrong with the baby and she just fobbed me off as expected saying it's completely normal to feel this way and told me that because the genetics are different this time (different father), that my body will react very differently from last time. I still feel baby isn't ok but with the NHS systems still down because of a cyber attack last week, I have to wait on snail mail to find out when I'm due for a scan.

The midwife also gave me a different due date. Instead of being due December 31st like I've calculated, she's given me December 28th. That would technically make me 9+2 weeks pregnant now BUT she is going off me having a 28 day cycle instead of my actual 31 day cycle so I'm sticking with my dates until told otherwise from the scan. My symptoms are fading too which only feeds my worry about baby's wellbeing. My breasts are still tender but not as bad as they used to be. Morning sickness has gone and I only feel nauseous in the afternoon/ evening. Fatigue is still present but again not as badly as before and my skin has cleared up.

Just anxiously awaiting on this scan now to find out if baby is indeed ok. Only time will tell.

Until Next Time,
Alli xoxo

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Friday, 19 May 2017

Pregnancy Update: 7+5 weeks

So it's been a little longer since my last pregnancy update and that's because I feel absolutely terrible! And that's not because of the pregnancy. No, I'm full of cold and have been told that I cannot take anything for it. Being pregnant means most of my antibodies that would be used in fighting the bug and making me well again, have gone towards keeping baby safe. So I'm actually sicker than Jordan and Vala were when they had the cold. It also took them less time to recover from it. So I'm sicker than they were and I can't take anything for it. Pregnancy is just a never ending cycle of suffering really.

Anyway, cold aside, I am feeling more connected to the pregnancy now. I took another pregnancy test last week and another one today and both immediately turned positive, even before the control line had appeared. Symptoms have been harder to tell because of the combined cold symptoms but fatigue is definitely still lingering as is the mood swings. Face has cleared up quite a bit but nausea is much more prominent and I even suffer from morning sickness some nights. I feel hungry and thirsty all the time but can barely eat or drink anything without feeling like I'll immediately throw it back up.

We've had a friend staying with us for the last week and he's been a real life saver. He's done the housework whilst Jordan has been at work so that I can sleep and get plenty of rest to fight off this cold and Jordan doesn't have to worry about it when he gets home. He's also been taking care of Vala in the mornings so Jordan and I can both get sleep ins. I can't say how much I've appreciated having his help this week. I just feel really bad that he's done so much he didn't need to and I've practically just ignored him by spending most of his visit in bed and sleeping. I'll make it up to him at some point when I feel a lot healthier and stronger.

But yeah, feeling like death but feeling a lot more connected with the pregnancy now which makes both me and Jordan happy. Got my booking appointment with the midwife next week, things are definitely going to feel a lot more real after that. Exciting times ahead!

Until Next Time,
Alli xoxo

Sunday, 14 May 2017

Monday, 8 May 2017

Pregnancy Update: 6+1 Weeks

Well it's Monday again which means it's a new week and the start of another pregnancy week. I still feel I should be a lot further along than 6 weeks. I should at least be 8 or 9 weeks along but nope, time is dragging on. I think it's because Jordan told everyone straight away that I feel I'm further along than I actually am.

Wish I could say everything was going great on the pregnancy front but it pretty much isn't. I've become so disconnected from the pregnancy that I can't even believe there is a person growing inside of me. I just don't feel pregnant and therefore can't convince myself that I am and I certainly can't get excited about it like everyone else can. My current symptoms include; fatigue, mood swings, terrible breakouts all over my face and the constant urge to eat and urinate. None of those symptoms scream pregnancy to me. Of course my monthly still hasn't arrived, it is a missed monthly and there's still those four positive pregnancy test but I still don't believe that I am.

On top of being disconnected from the pregnancy, I'm slowly becoming disconnected from the world as well. I wake up determined to get stuff done and to hit the gym etc but once I'm actually out of bed, all motivation and enthusiasm just leaves me. I feel like all energy is drained from me and quickly become too tired again. The only housework that gets done at the moment is by Jordan whilst I curl up in a ball somewhere and sleep. I also don't want to be around people where I can't just relax and look a slob, meaning the nursery runs have become a waking nightmare for me. All I seem to want at the moment is to lock myself away in the house and sleep or relax. I don't want to do any housework. I don't want to do any writing. I don't want to exercise. I just want to lay down and do nothing because I'm always so tired both mentally and physically. I really hate feeling like this and don't know what to do. Jordan's worried I might be suffering from ante-natal depression but I don't think I'm THAT bad. I said maybe after we've had the 12 week scan and I've seen the baby, I might start to feel better but until then, I don't want to say anything to a health care professional because I don't want to be pumped full of anti-depressants. I'll mention it to the midwife whenever we get an appointment with her/him, if it's still an issue at the time.

So yeah, that's my week 6 pregnancy update. I feel tired, moody and dejected. I don't believe there is a baby inside me and I'm convince there will be nothing to see at the 12 week scan. Of course this could all just be hormones and maybe by next week I'll be feeling completely differently but who knows? I certainly don't.

Until Next Time,
Alli xoxo

Sunday, 7 May 2017

Monday, 1 May 2017

Pregnancy Update: 5+1 weeks.

Is it just me or does time feel like it's just dragging on at the moment? Normally weeks fly by but since finding out I'm pregnant, time has slowed dramatically. It seriously feels like more than 2 weeks ago that i took my first pregnancy test but in reality it was only 8 days ago. I'm only 5+1 weeks yet feel I should be at least 7 weeks by now.

I know it's still early but I'm not happy with my symptoms....or lack there of. With Vala my morning sickness started 2 days after i discovered i was pregnant and continued right through until i was 14 weeks. This time, I'm lucky if i feel even a shred of nausea. Any symptoms I do experience all happen at night so every morning I wake up feeling normal and that disheartens me because I then convince myself that I can't be pregnant and that my body is playing a very cruel joke on me. Then comes the evening and the uterus twinges start, my breasts become more tender, the hunger becomes insatiable and I seem to run to the loo every half an hour. At night I feel like I'm in the early stages of pregnancy but during the day i just feel a little more tired than normal and a bit moody.

I hate not feeling pregnant because it puts so many negative thoughts in my head, like am I going to have a missed miscarriage, is this just a hormone imbalance and not really pregnancy etc. I'm finding it more and more difficult to get through each day with a positive attitude. Just feel that the further into the pregnancy I get, the more crappy symptoms, like nausea and morning sickness, i should be feeling and when I get though the day feeling nothing more than tired and cranky, I get disheartened.

I'm just finding it too hard to get excited about the pregnancy at the moment because my head is in denial and various other negative places. I just hope seeing the doctor on Wednesday will help and I'll start feeling sick and pregnant soon.

Until Next Time
Alli xoxo