Friday, 6 December 2019

I went afk again.

Hello everyone! Happy Friday! I am so sorry but I did it again...I went afk for a while. A lot has happened since I last blogged but there has also been A LOT of drama as well which has really triggered my mood into a downward spiral. I won't talk about everything in great length in the post, I'll elaborate in other posts but to summarize...

... I had a birthday, I'm now 25 and 48 months! Aka 29 years old! Vala also had a birthday and is now a big 6 year old. We had a great party and magical birthday for her. We have had major house drama! Jordan's in-laws didn't just offer to help us buy a place, they literally gave us no choice and then poop hit the fan when we tried to have an opinion on the matter. There's a lot to that story. I had my annual blood test ti check for type 2 diabetes (which I have to have done due to having gestational diabetes with Flynn). Unfortunately, the gp has arranged an appointment with me to discuss my results; something they only usually do if the results are positive. My appointment is next week but I'm expecting life changing bad news. The drama and potential bad news has broken me and I've fallen back into a depressed state; we're hoping to get me into CBT in the future. Vala also had her christmas play and we attended the blessings of two of my beautiful nieces.

So, lots of good and bad things have happened in less than a month. It's been extremely overwhelming. I'll break diem most of these into separate posts as there's a lot to unpack here. Still to come, we've got mine and Jordan's anniversary,  Flynn's 2nd birthday, Christmas and of course my traditional New Years Resolution post. I think 2019 is going to end on a rocky, low point but 2020 has the potential for some massive changes for myself and my family. All we can do is wait and see.

Until next time,
Alli x

Sunday, 10 November 2019

Friday, 8 November 2019

A sickly 2019 Halloween

Happy Friday everyone!

Oddly, I thought I'd write about Halloween today seeing as how I was blogging at all last month. It won't be a very long post because in a nutshell, we didn't really get to celebrate Halloween.

The final week of October saw our hit with a really bad stomach virus. For most of us, it was thankfully just a 24 hour bug but unfortunately for Flynn, it ended up being a week long ordeal. It started with Flynn waking up vomiting in his cot first thing on Saturday 26th and then again in the afternoon all over me, the sofa and the carpet. He was then fine again come Sunday afternoon so we took the kids into town to enjoy the Spooktacular event being held in the market square. Vala was stroppy the whole time because a giant plastic pumpkin head that you take photos in was too scary for her. Flynn loved it though as you can see from this photo. With Vala stropping, we decided to go get some dinner and ended up having a really nice meal at TGI Friday's as a family. That was until 1:30am Monday morning when Flynn threw up in his cot again. We stayed up til 3am with him before it was safe for us all to sleep again. He wasn't sick from Monday afternoon onward so we thought he was recovering.

Then Wednesday morning came and we awoke to more vomit. Only this time it had come from Vala and not Flynn. She had thrown up in her bed in the middle of the night and then again on the living room floor in the morning. Wednesday is also the day my stomach started to hurt. Come evening, Vala was feeling absolutely fine again but it was my turn to start being sick. Thankfully, I only threw up once and managed to get it in the sick bucket and not in my bed or all over the floor. I was back to feeling 85% come Thursday morning but then it was Jordan's turn and he was sent home from work after being sick in the toilet. Then Flynn threw up again in the evening. So that was both Jordan and Flynn sick on Halloween but both feeling/acting fine come Friday. Jordan even went back to work on Friday and Flynn's appetite had returned. Until Saturday when Flynn threw up AGAIN literally 10 minutes before we were due to take Vala to swimming lessons. Jordan took her and I stayed home with our sickly boy again, just as I had all week. Seriously, in the whole week, I'd only left the house once! Since it'd had been a whole week of Flynn being on/off sick, we took him to a walk in doctor and after a 2 hour wait, was told that Flynn is fine and it's just taking longer for him to get over the sickness because the rest of us being sick was probably reinfecting him. It's now six days later and I am very happy to report that no one has been sick since. Even Flynn is back to his healthy self. I've finally managed to get the vomit smell out of our house as well.

So that was how we spent our Halloween. The kids did get dressed up on Thursday before Jordan came home from work and we did get out for a little in the morning but we didn't get to go up to Jordan's parents and cut up pumpkins like we do every year and the kids didn't get their "bucket of treats" from their Nonna. They'll get them eventually but sadly Halloween 2019 was a very sickly one for all of us.

Until next time,
Alli xo
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Thursday, 7 November 2019

I'm back! (for now)

Good morning ladies and gentlemen!

I'm back! Ok, I'm back for now because honestly, even I don't know how long I'll keep this up for before I take another extended break; I do apologise for being gone so long though.

As I explained in a post back in September; "Needing A Break", things weren't going the way I was wanting them to and I needed to step back and re-evaluate my life; especially my writing. Well, I took the step back and what did I work out? Not a whole lot if I'm being totally honest here. I identified the cause behind my passion for writing taking a nose dive but I still cannot figure out how to get that spark back. This is why it's taken me so long to come back to blogging; I've not wanted to write at all.

To try and combat my negative feelings for writing, I decided to force myself to participate in this years NaNoWriMo. So far, it's not going well. I reached the daily word count on days one and two but haven't written since. I'm now four days behind schedule and if I want to catch up, I'll have to write at least 8,298 words today just to be back on the NaNo schedule. I was struggling to write the minimum 1,667 words a day so the thought of writing over 8,000 words in one day seems impossible right now. I'm only making it harder on myself though by not even attempting and letting the days add up. But enough about NaNoWriMo and my writing, I can cover all that in another post.

We've got a few things to look forward to this month. Starting off with my 29th birthday next week! That's right, only six days left of being 28. After my birthday comes Vala's 6th birthday and we've got a very special and girlie birthday planned for her, more on that to come. Also, we did go ahead and buy a camera to start a vlog channel with! We're in the process of getting everything set up but when that's live (hopefully in the next week or so) I'll be linking our YouTube channel here. I'd wanted it up and running over the Halloween half term but unfortunately we learned that the SD card reader in my computer doesn't actually work so that has set us back a bit. Hopefully it'll be up by the end of the month but we've still got a lot to get sorted before it goes live.

Besides all that, myself and the family have been mostly fine. We did have a stomach virus go through our family last week so we were all quite sick but we've bounced back now. Vala is doing well at school, Flynn is rapidly changing every single day (and not always in good ways) and Jordan is still in the same job, wishing he was in a new job. I'm still massively overweight and angry at myself about it. Can't stick to anything at the moment and trying to kick myself in the backside to make a change. Some things don't change, do they?

Anyway, it's good to be back and blogging again, even if it was a struggle to sit down today and write this. Hopefully I won't need to take another break for a while but we'll see how things go.

Until next time,
Alli xo

Sunday, 29 September 2019

Sunday, 15 September 2019

Friday, 13 September 2019

What happened to my novel?

Hey everyone! Happy Friday the thirteenth! Ooh spooky! ... Anyway, last post I very briefly mentioned that I've not really been working on my novel and that I wanted to address the reason for that. Well, this is probably the main reason why...

...After I finished my first draft, I sent three chapter chunks to a small group of people, whom I trust, to be my alpha readers and to give me constructive feedback. I didn't send my work to anyone who didn't offer to read through it, I want to make it clear that I didn't force my work onto anyone. Anyway, I said I wouldn't start work on the second draft until I'd received everyone's feedback. A couple months went passed and no one had written back to me. I chased it up saying I was hoping to start work on the second draft soon and some said they were almost done and enjoying what they'd read so far. So I continued to wait. It's now been over six months since I sent five people my work and not one of them has given me any feedback. I didn't want to chase it up again because one, I really hate confrontation and two, because honestly I didn't believe any of them had actually read my work. This thought has really caused me to lose all motivation to keep writing. If five of my trusted friends cant even read three chapters of my work or haven't wanted to, why would anyone read all twelve chapters? (Fourteen if we include epilogue and prologue.)

I don't want to say I've given up on my novel but it's so hard to push myself to continue it when I feel like no one cares anymore. I set out to write this for Vala and then Flynn as well but now I feel that if no one else has any interest in reading it, why bother finishing it at all? I could just read the first draft to my kids and they'd be happy with it. They wouldn't know or understand it was an unfinished manuscript. I need a reason to keep writing it but right now, I can't find one. I've have several people, who weren't alpha readers, say they want to buy my book when I've finished it, to show their support but I don't want people to just buy my book because they know the person who wrote it; I want them to buy it because they have a genuine interest in reading it. Honestly, I don't think any of them would actually buy it anyway. I think it's probably more likely that they said it to motivate me but now even that isn't a motivator.

My readers not getting back to me has really knocked me back. I know everyone has lives and we're all busy but it's been over six months and the chapters weren't that long. I'd rather they just be honest and say they've not read it rather than keep me waiting in the dark for feedback that'll never come. This is why my novel hasn't progressed and why my enthusiasm to write has diminished. I hope to one day work on it again but I honestly don't know if/when that day will ever come. Now you know why.

Until next time,
Alli xo